Monday, 19 December 2005
What is mid-life? Middle of your life? How long is one's life?
What is crisis? A crucial or decisive moment? A turning point"
A time of difficulty or distress?
The sea has been rough. One giant wave after another. Pulling one's roots up to replant them into another soil. Failed marriage. Youngest child left home to study elsewhere. Hormonal imbalance. Major physical operation. Father sick and died. Readapting to a new settlement.
Nothing is more depressing than a marriage gone wrong. No wonder divorcement is listed as one of life's top crisis.
Personally, falling in love, getting married, becoming a mother, family life and commitments and everything else that evolves around the family unit is the most satisfying journey and experience in one's life. What went wrong with mine? They said it takes two to tango. I guess I have failed on my part as well.
I thought I have lots of friends but when you arrive at this platform, you realised who are the real friends. When you got everything running smoothly in your life, they are happy to be associated with you but when you are in the midst of a personal crisis (yes a crisis) they seem to be in hiding. Why do I feel they are shunning me as if I am a plague? Am I a bad influence? I did not commit adultery. I did not kill anyone. I did not violate the laws of the land.
Some women chose to suffer in silence. They hold on their marriages and let their husbands abuse them physically and emotionally. Regardless of the hell they live in, within the four walls of their homes, they want to be known as 'married', instead of being 'separated' or 'divorced'. They are scare that the world will look down on them.
They opted for divorcement. Lawyers would tell them "you have tolerated him for the last so and so years, why bother now? Be patient" What he is trying to say is "close your eyes (not one but both), let it be, you are too old to start a new life with anyone else"
Religious lawyers would advise "pray". These lawyers should become priests! And so the women would go home and pray, pray, pray. These religious lawyers never knew why the women did not come back to them. Not because their prayers have been answered, their marriages restored but because they have gone to another laywer. They have come to the lawyers to ask them to take up their case, fight for them but instead told to pray instead!! They forgot they are lawyers not priests!
Agreeements signed but the men failed to pay alimony. The wives went to see their lawyers, paid them to chase their ex husbands. After doing that month after month, the women got fed up and stop pestering the lawyers.
The world says "it is normal for a man to have extra martial affairs" "he is not a man if he does not have that passion" and so they post their profiles in the internet seeking out younger females for romance, relationship. Worst of all they are not ashamed to reveal their marital status as "attached".
Where are religions, morals, values? What will happen to the innocent children who look up to their parents for direction and role models? What will happen to the world?