Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Children and Parents

Tuesday, 26 June 2012

It has been a while since I last posted on this blog.   What I am going to share is my own personal feelings of the subject.

I am not a child psychologist nor am I undertaking any child psychology study.   I am thinking of the many pictures of missing "children" that I saw in the newspapers.   Some of the "children" have been missing for over 20 years and are now adults.

With the increase of technologies, information are available on the media (TV, internet, radio, magazines, movies, video games, music, etc.).   Children learn fast.  To a big extent, the example of their parents, relatives and the related parental guidance and supervision have a lot to do with the children's attitude and mentality.   There is also the negative influence around them - friends, peer pleasure.   And there is also their own unique characteristics.   Children think they know a lot and so they behave like they know a lot.

It is said children mature faster these days, but I said they are not matured mentally or emotionally.   Maybe physically, because they look like they are 17 when they are only 13 years old.   No thanks to the chemicals that were incorporated in the production of the food they are eating and drinking, especially the commercialised processed food and milk!

It is very sad to note that there are children who run away from home.   Some children run away because they could not take the emotional pressure of a nagging parent.  Some run away because of physical abuse.    I probably would run away if I am being physically abused.    But what is considered physical abuse?

When I was growing up, I was canned by my mother not just once but each time I needed to be taught what I did was wrong.    I was canned on the arms or the legs.   Mum didn't hit me on any other parts of my body.    I was canned because I stole money from her cupboard.     I was canned because I bullied my younger brothers (I don't have any younger sisters).   I was canned because I lied.      While she canned she told me why I was wrong.    And being scared of the canning, I didn't dare to lie, steal and bully my younger brothers anymore.

Did I consider that physical abuse?   NO.    It is not like I was canned until I fainted, bled or die.   The canned marks were there but it went away after a day or two.   Physical abuse was NEVER in my mind.

These days, it is considered physical abuse.

My mother scolded me a lot too.   I was still scolded when I was in my 50's.       I thought I was an obedient child and a respectful daughter but there were many things that I did that didn't jive with her moral values.

Did I consider that mental and emotional abuse?   NO.   I did reason and argue with her why I did what I did.     I was upset for being scolded so I withdrew from her for hours (when I was a child and a teenager) and for days (when I was an adult) but we always reconcile after that.     Mental and emotional abuse was NEVER in my mind.

These days, when children are being scolded, disciplined, punished, they cried physical, mental and emotional abuse.   So they run away.   If they can't run away by themselves, they refuse to go home when they got the opportunity to be with another family in another place.    They also refuse to speak to their parents or the people who are trying to raise them up their way.   I read of children who lied about their professed abuse and interestingly they were convincingly enough to get them out from "hell".

I am so sorry for these children.   If these children can't accept the kind of upbringing (say the normal disciplinary acts to a disobedient child) that they were born into, then how are these children able to cope, as an adult, in the real world? There are rules in the school, in the workplace.   Every where there are rules and regulations or the world would be chaotic.

Did I cane my own children?   I don't remember I did.   I don't like being canned so I don't canned them.

Did I scold my own children?   Yes, I do.    I don't like being scolded and it is not a good feeling after scolding anyone.   There are times that I can't help being verbally harsh.  Sometimes I got so angry that I could slap them on their faces but I can't bring myself to do that.   Instead I ended up crying to release my anger.   And yes, I cried a lot.

It is sad some children "disown" (cutting off) their parents, just because of:
They don't love me at all.    (Their definition of love is freedom.)
They scolded me so much.
They don't allow me to do this and that.
I am not allowed to go out with my friends.
They only want to work and work and help them with the farm, the business, etc.
Etc. Etc.

Children's definition of love is freedom.    They want:
No scolding or any disciplinary acts.
Give them whatever they want.
Let them do whatever they feel like.
Let them eat and drink what they want to.
Let them sleep whenever and however long.
No work because they are tired to do any work.
But they are not tired to watch television or sit in front of the computer the whole day.
Etc. Etc.

I am thankful for my mother, who loves me enough to cane, scold and discipline me where I needed to be.    God had me born to my mother and it is her calling to teach and bring me up her way.     There were good times and there were bad times.   And I am thankful I got to spend time with her until her dying days.

I have been born to one mother only, and she is gone.   How I wish she is still alive.   In a few years I would be sixty but I still cried because I miss my mother like I am a little girl.

I hope that no children would "disown" their mothers or their fathers.   When children realised they are wrong and want to reconcile with their parents, it might be too late.

As God had taught us in the 5th commandment (Exodus 20:12) "Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee".

I like Luke 6:37 which says "Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven"

2 Chronicles 19:6 says "And said to the judges, Take heed what ye do: for ye judge not for man, but for the Lord, who is with you in the judgement".