Tuesday, 8 August 2006
It is one month since Mum had stroke. Diagnosed with brainstem Infarct, due to hypertension, and is now completely dependence and bed-bound, she was discharged (after 2 weeks at the General Hospital). Nothing more can be done, medically. It is now down to us, to nurse her at home.
As we took care of Mum day after day and looking at her almost lifeless, except for her hands, feet and eyes movements (behind the closed lids) at certain times of the day, I am wondering whether she is really in coma. Mum didn't choose to be like this. Mum would rather die than be in this state. She has always been an independent woman and reminded us to be self-reliant always. She is always on the move despite her age, planting vegetables, flowers, etc. etc. She was not prepared to be like this and we weren't as well.
It breaks my heart to see her nauseating when the nurses inserted a new NG tube through her nose and down her stomach on the day of her discharge. I asked the nurse "why?" and they said this is a common response of the patients.
I know this is part of our trials on this mortal world. But I still wish Mum did not have to be afflicted like this. If her spirit is in this body of hers now, I know she is crying out for release and I wish God will just take me and spare Mum.
I don't want to be like this. I don't want to die like this. If I ever have a stroke or afflicted in any other ways whereby I am totally dependent on tubes, etc. I want to be put to sleep. Is it against Heavenly Father's law? Wouldn't I be taking my own life and taking a easy way out of my trial in this mortal world?
Wednesday, 9 August 2006
I was thinking of the question. I know the answer! Regardless of what some of the world thinks, the answer is NO NO NO. I am not allowed to choose the way I want to die. That is accordingly to God's will. He has a reason and purpose for everything.